The fact that someone seems to have taken what I write literally and it's made national headlines has made me think about the tone of this blog, since I mustn't have made it clear.  At the risk sounding like some wanky dipso poet on a Radio National quack-fest I'll explain what I'm doing:

I'm trying to make my point in an entertaining way.  See, I'm too knackered and decrepit to do standup routines anymore, so I blog instead.  It's what I'd call "sit-down comedy".  So, I have a growl about stuff that's out there, knowing full well that I have Buckley's chance of actually influencing the world, but a reasonable chance of getting a few wuckas out there in Computerland.  (Though, now it seems I sorta have influenced the world!  Funny, that.)

To this end I use colloquial terms and heaps of italics to make it all seem a bit over the top.  And then every now and then I throw stuff in that's hyperbolic and utterly ridiculous, just to make it clear that in the end, it's not meant to be taken seriously.

Here's an example.  Obviously I don't go around immolating greenies.  I just really wish I could, that's all.  (And I don't think I'm alone in this.)  So I indulge in a kind of cyber-sublimation and blog as if I actually have!

Freud would definitely approve (and I know my shrink actually does).   

Also, it functions as a good potential alibi ...  See, if I do succumb to my dark drives and, Ivan Milat-style, stalk Goolengook National Forest for wayward ferals, roasting them thither and yon as they dry hump the trees, and I am subsequently sprung with a charred beanie in my bag, I can then invoke a kind of counter-intuitive defence along these lines:  

"But Your Honor, we all know from movies like Seven and Silence of the Lambs that sociopaths are utterly diabolical and waaay ahead of the curve at all times.  Do you seriously believe I would be so sloppy as to telegraph my evil intentions on my blog? 

"Clearly someone with an axe to grind has committed these heinous crimes and framed me, Your Honor!"

And I would point to my blogging nemesis (who would surely be there in the court to gloat) and I would say, "Derek Sapphire, J'accuse! "  And then as the little jasmine scented weasel bolted from the stand I'd break free from my shackles and ... and ...

Er, sorry.  Got a bit carried away there.

I think you get my drift.  If this blog is anything, it's a bloody joke.  Not news.

But now it has become news in the mainstream meeja.  Which I'd say makes the meeja the bloody joke, wouldn't you?

I hate to ruin the fun for all those enjoying the latest "revelations" about Troy Buswell.  But this rumor that he beat the bejesus out of a quokka is utter crap. And I know it's utter crap because I made it up and posted it to this blog!

Yep, a while ago, when the Buswell scandals started, I wrote what I thought was a very clearly tongue-in-cheek story.  I'd call it a verbal cartoon. 

But clearly a case of blogosphere Chinese whispers has resulted, and it's now a white hot national headline.

To Troy Buswell:  If you're reading this, my heartfelt apologies.  Read my recent posts and you'll see, I'm definitely not one of the people relishing your recent troubles. 

My take on the feeding frenzy going on in the west is that if you're gonna sledge Buswell, then you should sledge Carpenter as well.  The fact that many have not is the real story, I reckon. 

I thought that most people reading blogs were discerning.  Obviously not. 

To the person who went mainstream with what was clearly a gag I have these two responses:

If you didn't get the gag, you need to get out more. 

If you did get the gag, and wilfully misinterpreted it to give Buswell more grief, then you're right down there below quokkas on the food chain.  You're a rat.  And if you cross my path, I'll take pleasure in kicking you!

Still, I've gotta say, it's all pretty funny.  Fact that this has happened says heaps about the meeja.

Ferndamentalist doomsayers are desperate to characterize climate change as entirely bad.  But a more logical approach would imply that even if it is occurring, climate change, like so many things, will be good for some and bad for others.

And it looks like it could be very good for Aussies, since we may well have more food to eat and sell over the next few decades.  Here are Australian Farm Institute executive director Mick Keogh's thoughts on what might be in store: 

In fact, Mr Keogh says, if global warming does occur, some areas such as southeast Queensland will receive more rain, and as a result will greatly benefit. Recent research has shown increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere lifts plant production by up to 30 per cent in a phenomenon known as carbon fertilisation. 

Interestingly, the explicitly causal link that Keogh makes in his observations has been ommitted in this ABC article on the same report.

So the woman whose chair was sniffed by Troy Buswell feels victimized twice over now that she's been publicly identified. 

She says:  "At the end of the day, it isn't Buswell who cops it.  It is me." 

I think Troy Buswell may beg to differ on that point.  

Whatever the case, I think there's one other party in this farcical episode who has been entirely forgotten and who deserves far more sympathy than either -- namely, the chair.  

Poor thing.  Probably sitting in some dingy bar somewhere, completely legless ...

I can't stand hearing lefties whinge for more than a minute.  But South Australian pollies had to listen to Greens MP Mark Parnell quack on for eight bloody hours!  Those poor bastards.  

Interestingly, his epic rant wasn't about the environment.  It was about IR -- namely the WorkCover bill. 

Reveals where his true passion lies, I reckon.  And it just goes to show that that ol' description of them is true.  The Greens are like watermelons: green on the outside; red underneath.

Alan Carpenter keeps saying that he didn't lift Jaye Radisich's top, and that her refusal to explicitly confirm this is related to internal Labor Party power plays.

But then why would she go and hire a bloody lawyer?  My guess is that it's because Shifty Lifty did do the deed, and she is still mightily shat off about it.

If not, it makes her look extremely vindictive and manipulative, doesn't it?

Mediocre West Australian columnist Pam Casellas reveals that classic double standard of the cowardly PC feminist: It's only sexual harassment if your political enemies do it.  

Sure, I agree that Troy Buswell has been a bonehead who deserves a spray for his silly behaviour.  But why completely exempt Alan Carpenter from similar criticism, as airhead Pam does in this gargle?

"Shifty Lifty" Al is looking increasingly desperate in his denials because he still hasn't got that crucial explicit defence from Jaye Radisich. 

To summarize:  If the claim that he lifted her shirt is not true, then why has Radisich not offered an unambiguous and emphatic statement to that effect?  And if it did happen, and she was okay with it (which is what she's tried to imply with her choice of words and selective silence -- but not very convincingly) why not say as much?

In my opinion there are two reasons for these omissions:  One, because he did lift her shirt and she doesn't want to save the lying weasel's skin by telling a big fat porky herself.  Two, because she was and remains angry that he did so.  (And even if she didn't mind, that still doesn't make it okay, does it?  That would mean he was still offending all women, much as Sam Newman did with his Caroline Wilson skit, wouldn't it?)

So, back to obedient Pam Casellas and her revealing reluctance to condemn Shifty Lifty:  She's a feminist, isn't she?  So why is she defending a pale patriarch who's clearly demeaned women with his sexist behaviour? I mean look at the guy, he's about as white as a white male can be!

The answer is obvious but I'll say it anyway:  It's because she's a fellow traveler of Alan Carpenter, cynically invoking noble sentiment only when it suits.  In her lame piece Pam reveals more about her own prejudice than the blokey boofheads she condemns -- namely that she has disdain and not goodwill for most women.  

Feminists!  They're so bloody hopeless that unreconsructed testosteroids like myself have to do their job for them.  How sad is that?

It's rare that academics and health professionals speak plainly, so Dr Michael Carr-Gregg's assessment of the decision to put Corey Worthington in the Big Brother house is refreshing:

"Why would anybody put a teenage kid in a goldfish bowl on the Gold Coast with a bunch of idiots?"

Which begs another question:  Why put those idiots in the goldfish bowl in the first place?

Crikey!  It seems that the function at which Premier Alan Carpenter was reputed to have exposed bras and nuzzled breasts was one helluva shindig, and almost became a swingers party!

Yep, many of those attending started to nude up, prompting admonitions from the venue staff. Remembering that politics is "showbiz for ugly people", this revelation is about as nauseating as it is bizarre.  Also, pretty funny that this tribe is sledging Troy Buswell for his excesses.

And re those accusations of breast nuzzling:  I was surprised at first when I heard about them.  But on further consideration it all seems to make perfect sense.  Alan Carpenter would have been perfectly at home among boobs.  Bloke's a right tit, after all.

It's getting more absurd by the minute over in the wild west: 

Premier Alan Carpenter, the breast nuzzler, is becoming increasingly annoyed over recalcitrant MP Jaye Radisich's refusal to go beyond her claim that she wasn't offended by Carpenter and categorically deny that he lifted her top at that notorious karaoke night in Bunbury.

She's being very Solomonaic, isn't she?  Her silence seems to be saying:  "Yeah, he did lift my top.  But I was okay with it."

So, it was all contextual.  (Lefties just love invoking that argument, don't they?) 

Well, if staff recollections were accurate, there were plastered sheilas gettin' nekkid all over the joint, with hootin' and hollerin', leerin' and oglin' aplenty!  Yep, sounds like the state-funded bacchanal was just a few fondles shy of a clusterfuck. 

So, in this, er, context just about anything would have been deemed non-offensive.  For all we know, Alan Carpenter himself could have showed off his local member (and I don't mean Reece Whitby -- though he is a bit of a dick) and no one would've cared.

Pretty ironic that the same sanctimonious, vindictive Labor women who see almost every human behaviour through the stultifying prism of their frigid life-hating dogmas -- shrieking "sexism" and "harassment" at the merest hint of criticism -- were quite probably the ones drunkenly jiggling their jugs on the night!

Feminists take note:  Exposing yourself in front of people who are in your employ is sexual harassment.  From what seems to have occurred I'd say the golf resort staff would have had a mighty actionable case.  (But of course, that hasn't happened and never will.  Being normal, professional people they acted responsibly and urged the tragic tarts to get their gear back on.)

But imagine if the roles had been reversed, and intoxicated resort employees had flashed the sober socialist sisters?

Bunbury's Sanctuary Golf Resort would be out of business by now, I reckon -- the deserted, arid grounds ripe for some Wollongong-style property development.  

There's no denying that Troy Buswell has made himself look like a fool.  But Alan Carpenter and his harem of boozy broads have disgraced the entire party.

I wrote earlier that I thought hacks would lay off this story.  Thankfully I was way wrong and this scandal seems to be gathering momentum.  Labor luvvies are deservedly getting some of the treatment they are so fond of unfairly dishing out to others.  I hope they cop still more. 

If this results in these grotesque, absurd hypocrites getting booted at the next election I'll be breaking out the bubbly myself.