Why the commies killed Marilyn Monroe

My new-age nemesis Derek Sapphire is annoyed that I blamed his beloved "fellow travellers" for snuffing out that famous "candle in the wind".  And he asks why I believe they were the culprits.     

Well I'll tell you, dickhead:  It was because they were jealous.  See, despite having a five year plan to spunkify their sheilas the best the entire Soviet Union could come up with was this chick. 

No contest.  And they knew it.  Which is why they put that 60 micrograms of (as yet undetectable) polonium-210 in Marilyn's lippy.

Face it, Derek.  The West is best.  We got the sex and we got the bombs (and we also got the two together).  Get with the program you socialist sap.

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